Where is the truck that hit me?

Gack, been away from home and computer for 3 days. I had some laparoscopic surgery on the 21st. Apparently laparascopic is the name of the truck that hits you during the surgery. It is the only explanation I can find for waking up in recovery feeling like someone had run over my left side. Oh yeah and my surgeons left ink markings all over me like a freaking road map. Having scrubbed on my tender belly trying to remove them I'm now convinced they tattooed them on me while I was rendered helpless by anesthesia.